


The Hatred That Holds Me

by Lilypadslotus



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Aradiabot angst, Autistic Nepeta Leijon, Break Up, Emotional Manipulation, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, It’s self indulgent, Kinda, Meteorstuck, Past Relationship(s), Sadstuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2020-07-17
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:19:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25324534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilypadslotus/pseuds/Lilypadslotus
Summary: Nepeta remembers Aradia.Before her soft hands turned to metal.Before her love had turned to rage.Before destruction followed her.That was before her lover was encased in metal almost as cold as she was now.
Relationships: Nepeta Leijon/Aradia Megido, Nepeta Leijon/Aradiabot
Kudos: 10





	The Hatred That Holds Me

Nepeta was standing in the corridor before Equius’ workshop pacing, thinking to herself. What if her circuits malfunctioned? What if her soul left the robot? Could that happen? She doesn’t know. The robotic body was sweeps old at this point. She didn’t know how long it would last or how long it could last and- 

“0h hey”

Nepeta was greeted by the opening of Equius’ chamber, a metallic body standing before her. The body of her matesprite. Or, the woman who used to be her matesprite, the two had never seemed to clear it up.

“:33< Oh hello Pawradia”

Nepeta said, she refused to refer to Aradia anything different from her old pet name. Robot or not, she referred to not conform to the nickname given to the metallic version of her lover. 

“:33< How is efurrything holding up?” 

Nepeta inquired to the soulbot, moving closer and lacing their fingers together. Aradia’s fingers were not like they used to be, once they were so soft and warm, now they were frigid and hard. 

“Fine”

Aradia, in her robotic forms, replies were short and to the point. The bot hated small talk and while she showed no hostility towards Nepeta’s presence, she certainly wasn’t enthusiastic about it either.

“:33< That’s pawsome!” 

Nepeta had tried to stay enthusiastic in the past few sweeps but it was hard. Seeing someone she was flushed for and had reciprocated slowly fade into a soulless automaton had taken it’s toll on her. Along with them losing the game and being trapped on a meteor of course. 

“Yeah. Can y0u lead me t0 my r00m Nepeta?” 

Nepeta nodded, walking with the other girl to her room. It used to be adorned with skulls and other archaeological finds, even a troll Indiana Jones poster. But now the room was a cluttered mess. 

Aradia was alive when she was on the meteor. Well alive as she could be as a robot. Her heart receptor worked fine and she could feel emotions fully, including her feelings for Nepeta.

But slowly over the course of their stay on the meteor Aradia’s heart began to malfunction more and more, leading up to this point. The only emotion Aradia now felt was anger. She of course still remembered Nepeta and regarded her normally. But the girl would show fits of anger and passion Nepeta didn’t think possible from Aradia. 

“Thank y0u. Will y0u stay with me Nepeta?” 

“:33< of course Pawradia!”

Nepeta sat on Aradia’s bed while the other stood in the middle of the room. Nepeta’s yellow eyes meeting the robot Aradia’s red LED’s. 

Nepeta normally hated eye-contact. She wasn’t good at it, wasn’t good at picking up signals either. That’s why she never left Aradia alone. But, Nepeta was fine with pretending the red lights were Aradia’s caring eyes. 

A somber silence built between the two girls. Usually the room would be filled with laughter when they were together. Not anymore, Nepeta sat and Aradia stood and the two just stared at eachother. 

“:33< Are mew alright Pawradia?”

“Yes. I am alright Nepeta”

Aradia droned. The metallic hum of her internals now filling the room. Nepeta could remember a time before the game where she was able to hear Aradia’s soft breathing, instead of the hum of metallics.

“I am s0rry”

Aradia said, unprompted.

“:33< why are mew sorry?” 

Nepeta tilted her head at the other woman, confused.

“I am s0rry. I am n0t the Aradia y0u knew. I kn0w h0w y0u felt ab0ut her, h0w she felt ab0ut y0u. I cann0t feel that way, unf0rtunately” 

Nepeta sighed, she knew this was coming. 

“:33< I’m aware Pawradia”

She replied. Aradia instantly replying.

“I am trying t0 be seri0us. Why d0 y0u insist on speaking that way?”

Nepeta frowned. 

“:??< in what way?”

“Th0se puns, I d0 n0t understand why y0u keep making them despite the nature 0f this chat”

Nepeta’s eyes now found their way onto the floor, casting a look of shame on it. 

“://< umm.. I can’t.. well, I can. I just. I don’t want to” 

“0h”

Aradiabot had seemed to understand. She was an irritable robot, but she wasn’t a monster. She understood Nepeta’s condition and how it affected her.

“F0rgive me” 

“://< it’s fine” 

“D0 y0u want t0 sleep with me?”

That was an odd request to say the least after essentially telling Nepeta she couldn’t feel love, nevertheless Nepeta sighed

“:33< is it the nightmares again?”

“Yes”

“:33< okay. I will” 

Nepeta let open the covers and invited Aradia in. Cuddling was hard because Aradia had such a rough exterior but the two made it work. Eventually Aradia was asleep and Nepeta was left only with the soft sounds of Aradia’s internals.

Nepeta shouldn’t love her, Nepeta shouldn’t feel the way she feels for the robot. What they had was in the past and what they have now was fake. It was fabricated based on memories they had. Aradia was a machine made only for destruction.

But in this small moment with the robot curled around her. 

Nepeta allowed herself to love Aradia.


End file.
